I’d like to address my elephant in the room. She’s sitting atop the table in the center, throwing shade when I dare look. Ugly and snarly and judgemental,she is able to swallow me and feed me to the parasites at the bottom of the barrel. Her name is Envy.
There are signs everywhere that I should look the other way. Even as I scroll through the gems dropped on social media, I see the warnings. Life lessons disguised in colorful words and brainy quotes
“ How to be successful: Mind your own.”
And a new favorite: “Envy is the art of counting another’s blessing instead of your own.”- Harold Coffin
But still I’m ashamed of my struggle with reality. Some mornings, I preoccupy myself with throwback moments when I should have made another decision, worrying about the what ifs.
It was time to take responsibility and snatch myself together. I had to figure out a formula to help me focus more on my passion and journey, away from the distractions streaming through social media.
Admitting is the First Step
I’m ashamed of my habit. The fact that I could easily dismiss my achievements against that of my peers because theirs seem more polished is almost a sin. But I have learned to praise what may appear as my shortcomings. To embrace the things that life has chosen only me for. The hiccup in my laugh, the easy strides of my steps, these are all mine. I have struggled to find balance of who I am becoming with who I used to be but it always came from deeper.The real me. No funny business or shiny filters. What I like and don’t, agree with and won’t, all a part of me that contribute to the diversity that is the universe. It makes it easier to believe. And I believe in me.
There Is Happiness In The Struggle
My mother used to tell me to suck it up. “Well that’s how things work’” she would say. “You just have to move it on.” There have been times when my struggle has been real. . But my faith has taught me that there is a dynamic of the universe that can spit out the good that I’ve somehow managed to spare. So in change, there is a light at the end of my darkness. And always there is solace. Always there is a moment of clarity when I feel as though the world is leaning on my side for a change. Times change and things keep moving but remembering to keep a solid mind can be gold in these changing times.
Remember Why You Started
I started because I wanted my four year old to see what dreaming was. He will understand that hard work is dedication and consistency. That his momma is a fighter and he in turn can naturally be great. I have every human bone in my body working against me at some point or another. But it’s the why that keeps me in check. I’m never sure where my next step can lead me but if I can remain positive and focus on what my endgame is, then there is hope that I can find my way.
Have you had moments when you get tired on your journey? What are some tips you would like to share about keeping motivated?