Womeneur

blog

Robinette Love

When A Starbucks Green Tea Latte Gives You Life… and Lessons

by 1,170 Comments

I recently had a #Starbucks coffee meet up with a friend and she asked me what kind of drink I would like. In my mind, I heard a record player screeching to a halt. “What kind of drink would you like Robinette? A $5 drink decision sparked a 10 second debate in my mind, as well as feelings of paranoia and unworthiness. The play by play went like this: “I should refuse it. I don’t know what her money situation is like.” Or “I was the one that suggested that we meet up. I should be buying her a drink.” And worse “Is she going to ask me for money next week?” All I heard was No, No, No! Refuse the gift or feel guilty for the rest of the evening. It took everything in me to say “Green Tea Latte, please,” but only because my behind was thirsty.

As a Black Woman, I am so used to being I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T. Many black women are taught to do for ourselves, get it done and now, and for God’s sake Puh-Lease do not depend on no man.  While that is good for basic survival, it robs us of our capacity to truly feel the pleasures in life that come from being open to receive. We have been taught for so long that is is better to give than to receive. No, it is not! Do not be hoodwinked and bamboozled lol. Receiving is just as powerful as giving. Imagine how you feel when you give, give, and give only to feel resentment when you don’t feel like you’ve received. We feel hurt and then everyone around us has to hear our woe is me pity story. And besides, if I am giving and giving, then who the hell is receiving? A person who doesn’t mind receiving, that’s who!  Also, not to generalize all black women, but honestly, we have been taught that being vulnerable is a bad thing. To be able to receive requires a great deal of vulnerability. If someone compliments us on our nails or something, we would be quick to tell them how bad we need a fill in. Instead of receiving the compliments, we wonder if the person sees the flaws that we see, because deep down we feel unworthy. The simplest of gifts or compliments can send us down this road.

So how does one open up the flow of receiving? By being mindful. When you are offered a gift, use your discernment and if it aligns with your values then receive. If someone compliments you on your heels, please do not proceed to tell them how you bought them ’97 at a garage sale and the heels are leaning lower than The Leaning Tower of Pisa. A simple “Thank you” does the trick. That’s it. You are worthy of receiving and please remember that people always meet you at your level of expectation. Expect to receive goodness. Expect to recieve gifts. Expect to receive compliments. Expect for people to be nice to you. Not because you worked hard to win their appreciation, but simply because you deserve it.

4 Simple Life Lessons That Are Easily Overlooked

by 1,724 Comments

everydayfeminism.com

Where is that damn life instruction manual? You know the one that tells you EXACTLY what to do in your EXACT situation and gives you the most pleasure. I am sure it is pretty thick with a lot of shalls and shants and a lot of stuff I shouldn’t have done lol.

No one promised us an easy life. I can imagine when I was born and my parents seen me and said, how great it is to have her! But not telling my little newborn ass of the days when things were not so shiny. I am sure that many can relate and if you can’t, rest assured, you will. And that can be a good thing because often times your best character is developed in challenging times.  So here are 4 simple life lessons that you can use.

1. Nothing lasts forever. Change is the only thing that’s constant. You had best believe that change will come over to wash out the old and usher in the new. So those feelings that come with heartbreak, humiliation, anger, shame or guilt will one day subside. The downside to this is that good things come to an end as well. But when something good has ended always expect something better to take it’s place.

2. You are your own best friend. No one is going to always hold your hand. Your right hand chic is probably gossiping about you right now as you take in my words. Your boo thing may realize that it’s getting warm outside *coughs* cuffing season is over *coughs* sundress season in full effect. You are the only person who will be with you 24/7. You are the only one who knows ALL of your secrets and are able to pick yourself up in hard times. Yet, we don’t realize the value in being a friend to ourselves. Our inner dialogue often times consists of us talking down on ourselves in a way that we would never talk to our friends and family. I think it is time to begin to value the friendship within.

3. Time is a great healer. This is quite possibly the best piece of advice I’ve received and it was from my dad. I was 19 years old and 7 months pregnant and hadn’t talked to my child’s father in a week. We had a fuss over some ish he did and dude turned off his phone and ignored me. It was already not a good relationship, so I never felt good about it, so that on top of pregnancy hormones was just enough. I asked my dad “When will I feel better?” And he said, “Time.” “Time will help you feel better.” Little did I know that simple piece of advice would be a pivotal moment in my life. I carry that advice in the situations in which it feels as if my heart is bleeding. I always tell myself in a week I will start to feel better. Typically by 3 weeks I have noticed the actual changes of feeling better.

4. Always hold your head up. There have been so many times where I have felt so ashamed or guilty of something I had done and caused me to just want to hide forever or at least until the ish died down. I think 90 percent of the things were blown out of proportion by my mind, but the point is you should always hold your head high. Granted there will be times where you may royally mess up just don’t let it hang as a dark cloud over your head.  I don’t care what you do, you always hold your head up and eff what others think. We all make mistakes. The key is to learn from our mistakes. That keeps you from moving forward.

I believe that applying these lessons will help you on your journey to being your best self. Remember the road is not a straight one, but if you keep pressing forth, you will arrive at your destination.

Organization: The Key To Slaying Your Day

by 2,983 Comments

[vc_row][vc_column][dt_fancy_title title=”AshleyElladesign.com” title_align=”left” title_size=”small”][vc_column_text]Ok, ladies now let’s get in formation, ’cause I slay. Prove to me you got some coordination. Slay trick or you get eliminated.–Baddeus Bey Knowles Carter

Let’s face it: Women of today are busy. Busier than we’ve ever been before. Once upon a time, women kept the kids and the house in order. Now combine that with the women of today, many of us single moms, who not only keep the home, but work full time jobs or run our own businesses. It can feel as if we have so much to do and so little time. We wonder how in the hell all these things can get done, looking and feeling a hot mess in the process. To make matters worse, we are bombarded with our favorite celebs or reality stars and wonder how they always seem so put together. How is it that their bodies always look toned, bronzed and so damn glossy. I want my skin to look effortlessly glossy frolicking on the beach too! Or that their business affairs are always up to par. Like anything they touch turns to gold, when I can barely get a call back on some freebies I offered a customer.

Often we compare our “needs editing version” to someone else’s highlight reel. We don’t take into consideration that they are blessed with a glam squad/team who dresses them, tells them what to eat, watch them babies, whips that booty in shape and advise them on business opportunities. Unfortunately, most women don’t have the disposable income to afford these services. However, that does not mean we can slack in life or not excel at things that will make us wonderful. My best piece of advice: Organization. It is time to get in formation. For every minute spent organizing, an hour is earned.

How many of us get home in the evening, tired from work, attempt to cook a meal with some nutritional value, do schoolwork and then just crash in the bed. Not preparing for the next day, not twisting or tying our hair up, fixing lunch, ironing clothes, or generally having things in place for the next morning routine to go smoothly. So what happens the next morning? We are scrambling around the house looking for this, searching for that and yelling at whomever can’t get with the program when a simple 15-20 mins that night before could have prevented this mess of a morning. Being organized helps you to not pull up to the drive-through four days out of the week in a dinner crunch. Why? Because you and/or honey prepped meals on a day off. Organization allows you to make healthier choices and ultimately save money.

You don’t have to go to the gym everyday, but 90 minutes of physical activity a week helps you to maintain your weight. Pick two days a week and do an hour and a half each time. Pick one activity a season for your kids, if you are doing it by yourself or carpool. Think you don’t have any clothes? Think again. Once a week pick up them clothes off the floor, wash and iron them, mix and match–tada–you are your own glam squad. Are you on the go in the morning and low maintenance of hair, yet want to keep it stylish? Braids are your best friend…or a curl wave weave.

The point is to run your life or watch your life run you. Too many people live day to day and we are not maximizing the time we have. The world is getting super competitive and we must step up, or get left behind. So, slay trick or you get eliminated, respectfully.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

4 Ways To Make 2016 Memorable

by 1,339 Comments

mystylerepublic.com

I already know, every year we declare the “New Year, New Me” blah, blah. By February, it turns into, “I already messed up this year, so I will try again next year. We do this year after year and then look up and 5 years have passed.

Guess what? We are not getting any younger.

Life is passing every second and one day our time will be up. You will get no do overs (unless you believe in reincarnation lol). No more “next year is my year!” Just start now.  Yeah, maybe 2015 was a drag. But answer me this hun. Did you really, I mean really put your all into the goals you set forth. Most likely not. Trust me, I know all about half-assing goals and crying about it later.

When you set a goal, work the goal. And please believe that the work you put in will be evident in the results. You must commit!

So how does one create a year that gives them faith in the good things in life again?

1. Consider Your Mindset.
Before you can make any changes, you must analyze your mindset. Do you constantly think negative thoughts? Do you see accomplishing things as almost impossible? Are goals unattainable because you believe you are a failure? Or do you not believe you are worthy of obtaining the best things in life? Many of us have to check ourselves. We settle for the crumbs at the table in careers, relationships or our physical health. When you change your thoughts you change your life. Whenever negative thoughts come up, try to replace them with positive ones. This can be difficult as we have been trained to think negatively, but think about it like this. Your life depends on it.

2. Set Your Goals; Work your goals.
Write down your goals with dates as Dates Define Destiny. Whenever I am feeling inspired, I like to set aside about an hour to reflect on what I want to do within the next couple of months. I usually divide my goals into different subjects: Spiritual, Mental, Physical, Financially, Relationally, and Career etc. Break down the big goals into days and watch them be a tad bit easier to achieve. For example, if I wanted to launch a business, I would put launch business in March 2016, but this week I will research my competitors, and start on my business plan.

3. Express Gratitude.
Please be grateful for where you are. Yes, it is possible to be in a situation that is not the best and see the good. This lesson shows you how not to do something. To “fail” in an area enables you to succeed in a similar situation later on. But only if you take the time to learn why you failed previously. Otherwise you will go around that mountain again.

4. YOLO The Heck Out of It
Make a commitment to trying something new, regularly. How do we expect to change doing the same stuff. So often, we get stuck in a rut because we end up doing the same things with the same people at the same place and wonder why we get the same things in life. There is a life to be lived and no one else will live it for you. Stop living your life through reality tv, gossip sites and create the life you want.

There you have it. I have given you some ways to make 2016 #memorable. You have all the tools and the capacity to accomplish your dreams. Whether it is to get your GED or PhD, your life and where you are is unique to you. Do not compare your journey to others. Live this life as it is yours for the taking.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

4 Small Ways to Accomplish Big Goals

by 5,181 Comments

[vc_row][vc_column][dt_fancy_title title=”jabrilfaraj.com” title_align=”left” title_size=”small”][vc_column_text]Why does it seem like we are always waiting for the perfect time to make a move?

We will have a vision for our life and goals to accomplish, but then create the ideal (perfect) circumstances that must happen before we start. I know in my life, I was so guilty of this. I was the Queen of Procrastination. And I would have the most random and ridiculous excuses to justify it:

“Once I get my finances in order, my credit straight, win the lottery and the sun shines for 10 days straight without setting, I will think about starting my business.”

“I can’t start this organization now! I must wait until I finish my 2 degrees to do so.”

Or a more common one: “I will wait until Monday to start working out. I am going out to eat this weekend at my favorite restaurant, and well, you know how that goes.” 

So many dreams have fallen by the wayside because in my mind it was never the right time. This is the mindset that kills dreams.

We are always looking ahead to make big moves and for many people, that day never comes. We have a false belief that life is in our control and that our circumstances (our mundane life) will remain as our daily routine currently dictates. And that as long as we can get this together, then we can make X,Y, or Z move. We fail to realize that life is all about change and something will always come up. Business owners understand this philosophy that something will always come up so the time to do something is now. This is how you develop strength and character. Adopting a do it now attitude will separate you from the pack. How many people do you know that are always “finna do something?” How many of those people that talk the talk actually do it and see it through? I think another reason is because we vastly underestimate ourselves and our current potential. We see our future selves as having more knowledge and more will power to accomplish the goals we have now. This is false. You are absolutely capable of at the very least starting on your dreams. Each day taking it step by step.

So if you have goals to accomplish how does one seize the moment and do what needs to be done? How do you muster up the energy, discipline and motivation to reach for the dreams on your heart?

1. Practice acting on those thoughts that get you closer to your goal and immediately.
I previously watched a Ted Talk and the speaker suggested that from the time of having a thought and the time of action should take about 5 seconds. Wait, wait?! Yes, 5 seconds. This trains you to be a “Do it now, ” person. Most successful people have this embedded in them, hence the reason they are successful.

2. Keep your goals visible.
You don’t need anything fancy here besides paper, pencil and tape. Write your goals down and make them visible for you to refer to everyday, especially when you feel discouraged.

3. Create daily to-do lists.
I swear by this. To do lists break down major projects into smaller ones. It helps you to not overwhelm yourself and keeps you productive. Even if the tasks are little, they are still steps to get you to your goals.

4. Get your rest.
A well rested woman is unstoppable. Getting adequate rest helps you to focus more and to be ready to go in the morning.

In accomplishing our dreams, always remember that the road will not be perfect nor will you have the perfect set of circumstances. The time is going to pass anyway. We might as well let it pass doing the things we love.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]