Latarria Whitehead

When you can grasp life’s bigger picture (your bigger picture), playing the victim becomes impossible and your rebounding skills become world class –Dooley

It’s pretty cool watching my thoughts and seeing how simply one fraction of a thought really does manifest into things and experiences. Lately I’ve been paying attention closely to how things unfold and how in a small yet very grand way I contributed to that manifestation. I have the power as we all do to create the life that’s perfect for me. A life full of love, laughter, fulfilling relationships, a thriving career whatever it all depends on my perspective and ability to openly receive and create the experiences.

I’m here to receive what is for me, and though that has not always come easy, as a consequence of wondering “what is for me”, “is this really for me” and a litany of other non-stop repetitive thoughts. Today I’m trying (and I’m getting better) to keep the bigger picture in mind, and part of that bigger picture is happiness.

I need not focus on the specifics, just continue to be open to receiving and creating the experience itself. I came to this much needed realization that my happiness doesn’t have a specific face, name, color, number, gender, title etc.

• Do your part, and allow whatever else to take its natural course on your behalf
• Change your thoughts, change your life!
• Thinking big but acting small is the same as thinking small

You cannot deny what is for you. My happiness is what’s for me.

When you think of the word hope it is usually rooted in an optimistic state of mind, right? There is some expectation of a positive outcome. My father once said to me “As long as there is breath in me, there is hope”. So profound and full of positive energy, yet also lacked depth because of the lack of action. I found myself believing and repeating those same words from time to time. Hope for me is a good thing, I do believe in it, however there has been matters in my life when I pondered and struggled with the idea of letting go of hope.

But how do you let go of hope? Why would you even want to?

I recently had an interesting conversation where a totally different perspective on hope was presented to me. In those moments when I contemplated letting go of hope, I now understood why. While hope is again typically a positive idea. Hope can keep you in the future if you allow it to. The future does not exist, of course in our minds it does. It can be a way of hoping things get better without actually doing the work. Think about all the instances when you hear someone hoping for something. “I hope things get better” “I hope I get that new car” “I hope I find the perfect mate” “I hope for better days” etc. That kind of hope is usually coming from a place of lack disguised as optimism. Example being the dad who hopes to one day have a beautiful relationship with his son and who believes that as long as there is breath in him there is hope, but also the same person who doesn’t do the work. In this case hope has become crippling. You can’t become reliant on hope and think that magically things will happen.

Maybe hope is a good idea to let go of or rather re-evaluate when you become obsessed with your projected future results. When it becomes a hindrance instead of a means of encouragement, preventing you from being in the now and cherishing life right now. When things are going good, you rarely hear people hoping for anything. Maybe you might hear someone say “this is great, I hope this never ends”. In hoping that “this never ends” you’ve left the moment. As a person who’s consciously trying to stay in the moment, it’s something to give deference to. So when I was contemplating letting go of hope it was because I was stuck in the future, blinding myself and robbing myself the experience of right now.

Keep these things in mind, should you ever find yourself in a precarious situation wondering if you should let go of hope or not.

• Keep hope alive, just remember to not become so consumed in it that you forget to live and explore the endless possibilities of right now
• Hope should be based in reality
• Hope that will not disappoint has to be grounded in something more than wishing
• Remember that hope is a virtue, therefore a very good thing!

There was a point in time when I worried over just about everything. I worried and wondered if and when a romantic relationship I was involved in would ever manifest into the vision I had created for myself. You know the grand vision that we all have for our personal love lives or any relationship we involve ourselves in. What it should look like, how it should make you feel, how it should read on paper, how it should flow, how it should be, the list goes on. Overly consumed by this imaginary blueprint, the blueprint of my love life, I would find myself so overwhelemed that anytime something went perceivably wrong or not in my favor, it felt as though life was being extracted out of me. I would be so mad and upset, feeling as though I was being cheated. Many times I felt hopeless and would fight tooth and nail for control; control over things I had absolutely no control over.

Think of being outside trying to change the course of the wind. Imagine the exorbitant amount of energy that is wasted fighting something that was never meant to be fought. That was me, time and time again. Fighting against the things that life presented me with instead of flowing with them.

At some point, I began to realized that my energy is very relevant to the health of my overall well-being; I abused it. I worried, I wondered, I was anxious all the time. Beyond the point of exhaustion there’s numbness. Being numb is never an ideal way to live, at least not for me and it shouldn’t be for any of us. We are all flawed human beings, we are bound to have our moments, we are certainly going to struggle. But if we are going to struggle, why not make it more of a graceful struggle. The more you go with the flow of life, the less you struggle. It doesn’t matter if it is a personal relationship you are trying to navigate your way through, a business relationship or any relationship for that matter; play your part and do what you can. The rest is out of your control.

Worry arises because you realize that you cannot predict what is going to happen tomorrow and know that you cannot have full control over how events turn out. You are uncomfortable with not having absolute certainty.

• Work it off– Although exercise may not actually solve the issues that are causing you to feel anxious, engaging yourself in activity takes your mind off things. You become clearer after taking a break.
• Meditate– Meditation helps your mind with needed breaks from all that clutter. The practice also helps you with greater focus. You find yourself experiencing increased clarity and less likely to worry over unnecessary things.
• Change your perspective– Energy flows where you focus your attention. Understand that you can choose to focus on positive rather than negative thoughts. In fact, as you become more positive, you’ll be better able to create more positive outcomes.

This way of thinking allows space for me to freely move about this blueprint of mine, and allow things to happen naturally. After putting enough practice in repeatedly I can definitely notice the shift in my energy, in my thoughts, in my peace.

As long as a part of yourself is invested in your emotional pain, you will unconsciously resist or sabotage every attempt that you make to heal that pain

Giving space to others and to ourselves is vital. We need space in order to see, in order to hear. Life can’t be all about constantly being in the mix, or constantly fulfilling a role. Tune out the noise, and give yourself some space. Love cannot flourish without it. You need it, I need it. everyone does. Remind yourself often that you and only you are responsible for your inner space, protect it.

Words of the wise: “The past cannot prevail against the power of now.” Often times in our minds we believe that he or she, this and that is the cause of our sadness or our unhappiness. Though things and people outside of ourselves certainly contributes, we often times forget to take responsibility and attribute these states of being to our own toxic thoughts. Our own learned  behaviors of self-doubt and fear. We conjure up the idea that if we eliminate the source, we can ultimately eliminate the suffering. The truth is that the root of the source always comes back around to you.

Giving yourself space calls for being alone.

• Get Comfortable Start being comfortable with being alone. Step away from social media, turn off the television, pass on Thursday evening happy hour, why? Because it’ll all be there when you’re done giving yourself that necessary space to breath.
• Be intentional Set aside purposeful, soul searching time to reflect. Create an opportunity to have a heart to heart conversation with yourself. Be honest, and use the time to get to know you.
• Be Shameless I’m an advocate for being selfless, however sometimes we need to be a bit selfish. Don’t feel guilty for stepping away from everything and everyone for a moment to reconnect with yourself. Neither guilt nor ego should prod us into wearing ourselves thin.
• Love Yourself First Time and time again we fail to do that. Muster up all your will power to eliminate toxic thought processes and behaviors, the ones that leads you to believe something is wrong with you. Daily, give yourself some space, the space we as the ever evolving beings that we are to grow, and self-improve.

I’m not saying shut down, shut the world out and live in a bubble that no one can get to, but at the end of the day we all need to maintain our own spirits in order to be of service to others.